Explaining Erotica to a Toddler

OK, so you’re momma Kim Kardashian and little Nori is asking why your ample, oiled butt is gracing the cover of a magazine..?

Fair enough, it’s not a situation we’re all likely to find ourselves in, but if the little ones do discover one of our indiscretions (whether it’s a saucy bit of textual nudity or casually annotated copy of the Karma Sutra) then here’s a bit of Slick Mummy advice to ease the convo:

  • Say ‘Do as I say not as I do’ is the advice that comes from Madonna – the raunchiest of role models  – whose four kids apparently have a strict regime at home and no mobile phone until their 16th birthday…
  • Check your child’s school’s policy on Sex Education, which they are obliged to provide. Do they advocate the use of ‘clinical’ terminology or slang? Using terms like ‘penis’ might make grown up concepts seem more ‘grown up’.
  • “Wait until your child asks you,” says Robert Walrath, a child psychologist at the Center for Educational and Psychological Assessment in Manchester, New Hampshire. “If children are not asking, it’s not important to them.”
  • Former Playboy Mansion resident Kendra Wilkinson says ‘don’t make a fuss’. Whatever the situation, if you make it a big deal, so will the child.

Or you could just go for the ‘Ross from Friends option’ and launch right into Sir Mixalot’s ‘I like Big Butts…’