Life Skills to impress your 14 year old self with…

  • You might have previously been picked last at sports (and cried when your £60 an hour personal trainer suggested you do weights) but now you can lift a 7.8kg stroller and  a 15kg child up a flight of stairs, unaided.

 

  • You might have sucked at Scrabble or come last in the Spelling Bee, but hey – see how quickly you can substitute swear words for something acceptable. ‘He was a lying cheating BAR STEWARD’ yes…
  • You no longer think of the back of the bus as the cool place to sit. You think it’s the place where your children are most likely to vomit all over you. Especially on a package holiday after copious ice cream.
  • You might not have married him, but you could still go see Matt Goss on tour. Maybe without the bottle top shoes this time tho, update the look with Kenzo.

  • And on the subject of staying up late…. well, where shall we start? Clubbing til 3am and sleeping til noon looks like a spa weekend now – try the ole ‘ten mins cat nap actually face down on the cat’ technique.
  • And the thought of consuming carbs back then might have been more evil than communal changing rooms, but… when your toddler stuffs his mushed up, pre sucked Kinder Egg into your mouth you’ll eat it. And love it.
  • You only have one pair of jeans now. (OK, three…) Big bum? Work these

  • You finally mastered blow jobs. And essentially that’s now why you have children… 😉